64 weeks, and this chick be cray cray

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Oh. My. Gosh. I saw this while scrolling through Pinterest, and I thought, “This cannot be real.” So, then I looked it up, and girls really do this! I’m blessed in my life, and I’m very content with what God has called me to be as a military wife, but I would never chase after a life where I am parenting, taking care of a house, and spending my nights alone. I wouldn’t chase after a life where I worry if the next time I speak to my husband might be my last. I wouldn’t chase after a life where I know every single detail of my husband’s funeral because there might be one within the upcoming year. I wouldn’t chase after a life where I have to hold my child tight in the middle of the night after a nightmare about his Daddy being killed. I wouldn’t chase after a life where my husband would go off to war every few years and come back a little different, a little tougher, a little more distant, and a little less himself every time. I wouldn’t chase after a life of unrequited love for the sole benefit of a man who looks hot in his uniform.

I fell in love with my husband, not the military, and not his uniform. They hardly ever wear the dress uniform. I can actually count, on one hand, the amount of times my husband has worn his dress blues. One of those times was for his DA photo, which will end up being framed and surrounded by flowers if he does end up with that funeral this year. Seeing him in it is quite attractive, but the reality of what the uniform represents – duty, honor, sacrifice…possibly death – that is anything but hot.

I’ve met lots of military men in the past 8 years, and some were good guys, some were bad guys. You can’t categorize the military men as loving them all, as if they are all one specific type of person. To go out of the way to find a military man to marry and be open to parading outside of the base is the same as sitting outside of a hospital, hoping to marry a doctor. It’s absurd. I’m proud of what my husband does, but it’s not because of his uniform. It’s because of how he does his job. I’m proud of the man that he is, not the rank that precedes his name. I married my husband, not the military. The military is just the duty that came along with my calling to be my husband’s wife.

Unmarried ladies…please, don’t subject yourself to this type of desperation! This is no life you want to just throw yourself into because you’re tired of waiting around for Mr. Right! If you’re tired of waiting now, then this is absolutely not the piece of pie you’re looking to take a bite out of. This is a life built on waiting. All a military wife does is wait and figure out how to make the waiting feel like less of a wait. And it’s not just about you who is waiting for him to return, to call, or to write either. It’s about his children, his siblings, his parents, his grandparents, his aunts, his uncles, his friends, his neighbors. You have to put your own pain aside to cater to their feelings, as well. Because it’s you who keeps those relationships going for him while he is away. Screw them up, and you’ll lose even more of your husband, rather than gaining more of him for yourself, when he comes home.

This life is all about sacrifice, and not the pretty kind that gets published in papers and decorated with medals. I’m talking about the ugly kind. The kind where you eat after the kids go to bed, because there’s nothing else to do when your husband has 24 hour duty at the singles’ barracks. Where you sit in your bathrobe all day, because you’re not going anywhere, and he’s not coming home any time soon, because he’s at an FTX for the next 2 weeks. The kind where you are never the Hero in your kids’ eyes, because you always have to be the disciplinarian, and you want to make sure that the children always view their father with respect and honor. The kind where you talk to the TV, and develop way too attached feelings toward the characters’ fake relationships, because you’re new on post, and you don’t have any close friends, well into the first year of PCSing. The kind where you cry yourself to sleep after realizing that it’s been over a week since you last heard from him down range, and you don’t know if your prayers for safety are 6 days too late or if the communication lines are just down.

Marrying a military man is not a fairy tale. It’s a story about faith, courage, fear, humility, and loneliness. You don’t choose this lifestyle. It chooses you. (Moreover, God chooses you for your husband, who happens to be a military man) If you’re out seeking it, then you are not fit for it. Anyone who says that they can do it is really proving that they cannot. The real women that are able to live this lifestyle are those that admit defeat before the journey even begins. The truth is that we absolutely cannot do it, but we do it anyway.

Also, BOOM.

3 thoughts on “64 weeks, and this chick be cray cray

  1. Wow…my eyes bugged out reading that post you posted about girls wanting to go after men in uniforms….I mean…what happened about going after a person that fills your heart with joy and love?!

    Excellent post too 🙂 Even though I am not personally affected and even though I will never know how you truly feel…thank you for sharing what you go through because it humbles me to read what you have written 🙂

  2. I just came across your blog from Pinterest and it really hits home. So far, I have been lucky. Since I’ve met my fiance, he has been here and not across the country for more than a few days. He is a National Guard recruiter, and yes he is “home,” but I use that word loosely. This is a VERY demanding job, contrary to what anyone may say about recruiters. Yes, there is lazy, lying recruiters, and that’s all some people see. And then there is hard-working, honest, helpful, inspiring, and recruiters like my fiance. This is no 9-5 job. This is more of a 6am-10pm job. He works in an office, but it is not an office job. He spends a large portion of his job on the road, sometimes driving all day, then spending the evening in the office doing paperwork. If he’s not at his office, he is in another city in hotel room alone, while I am at home. He is gone 2-3 nights per week sometimes. And when he is home, he is so exhausted that he wants to go to bed shortly after getting home. There have been rough times where I have thought to myself “well he might as well be deployed, it wouldn’t be much different.” I do feel guilty about thinking things like that sometimes, but this lifestyle of doing everything the army says is so much harder than I could have ever imagined when I met him. I get very scared when I think about the possibility of him being on a deployment in the future. If I struggle with what we have now, how could I possibly handle him being gone for months, or even years? I try my best to think about how lucky I actually am to have him here with me (most of the time) before I start to complain about all the tan shirts I have to fold, uniforms I have to mend, patches I have to sew on. So many husbands and wives wish they could have that to complain about. It’s just a tough situation. Just because he IS here, doesn’t mean that I should have to be happy just because of that. I am VERY glad he is not deployed, but I spend a lot of time being lonely, sad, and disappointed. He is so close, yet SO FAR, which is so hard (this is where the “might as well be deployed thing comes into play). We can’t make a lot of plans, because he never really knows what his schedule will be like. I do admire his dedication to his job. He has done amazing thing for his battalion and is truly a great soldier in all aspects. He has only been in for about 6 years and is an E-6. Last year he did things that no one in his battalion has ever done before. He brought home his most recent NCOER (Non-commissioned officer evaluation report) and received all superior marks. I bawled my eyes out reading all the things his superiors stated about him, including “Promote the day he is eligible.” It makes me realize how incredibly proud I am of him for everything he is accomplishing with his hard work and dedication. It makes me remember that everything we have to go through is worth it in the end. I am a proud soon-to-be army wife and as hard as it is, I can’t imagine my life being any different.

    • Yeah, I remember when my husband did recruiting, and it was really difficult. I used to think the same thing, “He might as well be deployed,” but now tat he has been a couple of times, I’ve changed my mind. It sounds like you’re very proud of your fiancé, and I’m standing it pride with you! I’m absolutely proud to be an Army wife. It’s definitely not for the weak, and my point of view on this particular post was about women who go out of their way searching for this lifestyle without having the love of the man first. You will fail 100% at a military marriage if you don’t first love the man, rather than the uniform.

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