It’s been 338 days since my husband first moved out of our house into this assignment and onto his deployment. I remember getting excited, 6 months in, when I found one of his shirts stuffed behind the dryer. It still smelled like him, so I found a new home for it under my pillow. It stayed there for 2 months until it got tangled up in the dirty laundry when I was washing the bedding. I did the laundry so quickly that I never noticed it until I was folding it on the couch while watching One Tree Hill. Immediately, I put it up to my nose and inhaled. Downy Simple Pleasures…the black bottle. I tried again. Nothing special…just clean. No Right Guard Extreme Arctic Fresh deodorant. No Axe Dark Temptation shower gel. No Dolce & Gabbana Light Blue cologne. No ACU mixed with motorcycle ride. No him. I’m a bit embarrassed to admit this, but I tried recreating the smell by washing it with his body wash, rubbing his deodorant on it, spraying it with his cologne, and then setting it on the bike for 15 minutes while letting it run in the garage. It smelled like right guard, Axe, light Blue, and motorcycle…but something was missing. Even though it had all the essential elements, it was missing the key ingredient…my husband. If I could just get him to wear it for 15 minutes, I think that would do it. I started to think about it and make calculations. I began to prepare a plan, in my head, on how to get his smell back into his shirt. If I washed it and then sent it to him along with his cologne, then he could wear it for a little bit. He could send it back to me that same day, and in just 2 weeks, I could have his smell back in his shirt. I could undo my mistake of washing it in the first place. I sat there, with his shirt laying across my lap, for a good while before I finally realized that my plan was stupid.
It’s not even so much of his smell that I miss. It’s what his smell means to me. His smell reminds me of my face buried in his chest. His chest reminds me of his hugs. His hugs remind me of how he turns this crazy and frustrating life into a fun ride. Sometimes, when I’m upset, all I need is a hug from him to put me back on track. I get so frustrated when I see wives arguing with their husbands. I know that disagreements happen, but if I had my husband standing in front of me right now, the last thing I’d be doing is thinking of the next insult or comeback to level the playing field. Even if we were in the middle of a disagreement, I’d have to end it right away by forcing him to give me one of his mood-altering hugs. Some wives tell me that they don’t know how we, military wives, do it. But, I happen to think we’re the privileged ones. We know what it’s like to be without our husbands, so we cherish the moments by swallowing our pride and giving up on winning an argument. No one has to remind us not to go to bed angry. We are just thankful to be going to bed with them (when we can). It’s been another “missing-him” week over here. I just want my best friend back. It’s been too long. Can someone just fly over there and bring him home to me, please? I’d really appreciate that. I sure do miss him.
Activity #49: DIY Ornament
Like most cheesy moms, I like to make ornaments with the kids every year. I didn’t want to do your usual hand print ones (because I really didn’t feel like cleaning it up, to be honest), and I didn’t want to do just a picture surrounded by tissue paper wrapped around a pencil tip (if you don’t know what I’m talking about, then your 2nd Grade teacher sucked). Cole’s teacher sent a note home saying that he needed to bring in a box of straight pins and a bag of sequins. I thought to myself, “Self, there must be some type of ornament possibility there.” And there was. So go to your favorite craft store, or Walmart if you feel like braving that madness, and pick up a couple boxes of sequin pins and a bag of sequins. Grab some styrofoam balls and a spool of ribbon, and get to stickin’!