I’m having a hard time putting into words what’s going on inside of my head this week. I’ve been trying to play my strong card in the face of adversity, but the card has worn thin and so has my ability to handle people that are only surface skimmers. There’s so much more to me than my spit-fire one-liners, hair and makeup, and the fact that I’m the wife of a deployed soldier. I’m not sure if it’s me, afraid to be honest or if people are afraid to go there with me, but I feel so lost in my own world these days. I haven’t had “normal” since I married a soldier, and I don’t think I ever will. I wonder what normal is like for regular families. What’s it like to say goodbye in the morning, say hello again in the evening, sit around the dinner table together, and kiss goodnight before bed? That’s the American dream, right? It’s my dream anyway, and instead of living it, I feel like it’s always within reach but I can’t quite grasp it. It feels so unfair! I’ve seen too many people place so much importance on education, work, titles, and money, but their families and marriages are left for last on the list. I used to have tolerance for these people, but I don’t anymore. Life is too short to surround yourself with people who don’t care about the more important things in life. It’s one thing to concern yourself with them, but you just can’t depend on these people to lift you up when you’re down or to return your kindness with genuine care and support. I’ve come to the conclusion that I’ve been holding back from sharing the deeper truths behind my wise cracks and cookie-cutter small talk. The people that matter most have asked me how I’m doing, and I’ve given them one-worded answers or changed the subject. I’m robbing them of the experience of appreciating what they have by wearing my shoes for a conversation’s time. I’m going to work on that. In fact, I’m going to go out of my way to be completely, embarrassingly honest with my friends next week. I’m going to share blatant and raw feelings with my friends each day in addition to my weekly activity. I can’t just continue to bury it in exercise, pranks, and adrenaline. Those things aren’t bad, but they can’t replace facing the truth. I’m gonna be honest this week, so if you really wanna know how I’m doing, just ask.
My activity this week: Fishing
I love all types of seafood. I love fish, lobster, crab, and even seaweed. Nothing makes my mouth water more than a buttery and lemon-drenched halibut. I’ve gone fishing before, but I’ve always been super girly about it. I’m not gonna apologize for that though, because I am a girl. I like pink and sparkles, and things that smell good, but I don’t like to touch things that are slimy, crittery, scaly, or gross. I thought I’d overcome that fear once and for all this week! I set out to bait my own hook, catch a fish, take the hook out, hold it, filet it, and eat it! So, I did just that. Y’all…I think I’m in love with fishing now. Seriously, I understand exactly what Brad Paisley and every other country singer out there is talking about now. I’m ready to bedazzle a tackle box and get me one of those cool hats to stick hooks on and stuff. I want a pair of rubber overalls and a fly-rod. I want to take a cooler of drinks and snacks and sit on a dock from sunrise to sunset. I want to fill a deep-freezer with all kinds of swimming creatures. I want to stuff a fish and hang it above a door post. I am now a bona fide fisher-woman, folks! Well, I wouldn’t mind fishing every once in a while anyway.
I was so afraid of doing this activity, but I’m so glad I faced my fears and finally did it! It really was so much fun! I’d love to organize a girls’ fishing trip sometime now! I think it’d be a blast! Hmm…future weekly activity brewing….
2012 – The year I went fishing with my boys for the first time.
Until next week, send your crazy to me, since I’m going there anyway!