10weeks

Here goes my madness… So, I needed to get the oil changed on the car, and I also needed to grocery shop. I got home at 3:30pm, and by the time I made Cole go to the bathroom, then Idan, then he pooped as soon as I got him into the car, so I had to change him again, and we finally got on the road to the dealership, it was 4:15.  We got there at 4:45pm and were out pretty quick. I promised the boys that we’d make it our IHOP date night, since it was dinner time and we still needed to go grocery shopping. So, we did. The boys were NUTS!! They were in the craziest mood and were definitely teaming up on me. It was nice that they weren’t fighting, but my goodness! They’ve become partners in crime! What have I gotten myself into?!

After dinner, we went to Kroger. The boys went to the bathroom before we left IHOP,

6 down, 27 to go!

but as soon as we got to the store, Cole had to go again. While he was in the bathroom, I decided to browse the clearance section -you know, to spend money by saving on items I don’t need, but might eventually want? That dang clearance section!! I bought 2 gillette fusion razors at $5 each though 😉

Cole finished (after like 10 minutes), and just as we were about to pull out of the clearance into the stuff on my list Idan was saying, “I have to go potty too!” So, I pushed the cart to the bathroom, and all 3 of us went in to let him go.

He did his business, and we were off! Smooth sailing….ish. We did the normal routine of madness through the aisles, knocking stuff down, bumping into people, and random bags of candy being found in my cart. Then, low and behold, Idan says, “I have to go poop!” So I raced him, with Cole running behind me, all the way through the store to the bathroom only to find out that he pooped in his pull up. GRRRRRRR. I searched through my purse to discover that I was fresh out of spare pull-ups! “Boooooooooo” (That’s what the soundtrack in my head said at the time.) So, naturally, I cleaned him up, stuck his shorts back on him (pull-upless), and crossed my fingers.

I took a deep breath, and scanned the aisles to do a quick estimate of how much time I had left in the store and left to get home safely without any more accidents…about 20 minutes, and I live 20 minutes away. I could’ve given up and just gone home or braved the aisles to grab milk, conditioner, yogurt, and tangerines. It was a tough 13 second debate between Cathi-the-Logical and Cathi-the-Daring, and the latter won. I raced, like for real y’all, through the aisles throwing stuff in while Idan and Cole danced and slid on their knees behind me. I was at the conditioner, scanning the shelf for Dove when those 5 dreaded words sounded off again, “Mom, I gotta go potty.” UUUUUUGGGHHH!!! I grabbed his hand and realized he was walking funny. “You’ve got to be kidding me,” I thought to myself, and Cole stated the obvious, “Mom, uh…I think Idan pooped in his pants.” I darted a look towards Cole, as if it was his fault, and he smirked back at me as if the irony was just too beautiful for words. So, I did what any other totally normal person would do. I cupped my hand under his butt and walked him quickly to the bathroom. Cole followed behind pushing the cart this time. Brace yourself for this next part — It was beginning to run down his leg, and I thought, “I have no pull-ups, no back-up shorts or underoos. What the heck am I gonna do?” Then, I thought, “If I could just find a really nice person–a mom– who works here, I can ask her to grab a bag of pull-ups for me and bring it to the bathroom.” I was lucky enough to run into a woman right in front of the bathroom door!!! I was so excited! While keeping my hand on Idan’s butt, I said to the woman, “Can you do me a favor and grab me a bag of pull-ups, size 3/4?” She motioned to me that she couldn’t understand me. It became clear that she was deaf. I can handle deaf. I know some sign language. So, I signed to her, “It’s okay. I know how to sign.” So, then she starts signing away about how no one ever knows how to sign, and she was getting all excited, so I had to interrupt her…which is just as rude in sign language as it is with talking, but I was in a desperate situation. I had let go of the poopy butt to sign…so with every motion of my fingers and hands, I was wafting poop smell in the air. It was embarrassing. I didn’t really know how to sign “pull-ups”, so I wrote it down in my phone as a text saying, “He pooped in his pants. Can you bring me a bag of pull-ups size 3/4 please?” All of a sudden she acted like she didn’t understand me. She stood up, looked around like she was trying to find someone, and then walked back over to what she was doing with scanning random stuff. I must’ve missed the memo that said Deaf People Can’t Walk Either. SO frustrating! If you work there, you should be able to help the customers, right? What happened to equal opportunity regardless of race or handicap? There was, at this point, poop on his socks and shoes. So, I picked him up and put him in the bathroom to clean him. After he was clean, I had Cole stay with him to watch him (totally cool for a 6 year old to do that. I googled it.), and I ran to the baby aisle to grab some pull-ups. I bought them at the self-check-out lane and got them on his little butt. I took my time with the last 5 minutes, grabbed the conditioner, milk, yogurt, and tangerines, and finally headed home. If you think that was great, here’s a little bonus for you: The conditioner I grabbed was actually shampoo. “Booooooooo” <—my soundtrack team in there is always right on cue.

So, my activity this week is a poem for your reading pleasure, inspired by Dr. Seuss:

The Cathi in the Hat

   Cub Scouts and Young Life

   -both on Monday night.

   Campaigner girls on Tuesday

  “Boys, try not to fight!”

   “I love you, Sweet Darling,”

   with X’s and O’s.

   Faxing some documents

   and painting my toes.

   Paying the bills,

   What’s that noise in the car?

   Time to do homework-

   after I mow the yard.

   “Go sit on the potty,”

   “But I don’t have to go,”

   “Go sit on it anyway.

   We’re going to the store.”

   The car doesn’t sound right

   Milk, cheese, and fruit.

   Green eggs for dinner

   “I found your brown boot!”

   Pack up the lunches,

   Send a text to my man,

Finalize deals (in my heels),

that’s the plan.

Phone calls and emails,

Will this ever end?

I ran out of time.

Quick facebook “like” for my friends.

Laundry and dishes,

Brush teeth, take a bath.

“The book fair is tomorrow!”

“I don’t have enough cash!”

The nearest ATM

is in 2.2 miles.

I think I can manage

a few more cheesey smiles.

This car problem is serious.

“Boys, you’re being so sweet!

Now off to bed

while I make this house neat.”

Work all day Saturday,

I need ten thousand sitters.

The pot-luck’s tomorrow?

But we just finished dinner!

“Go sit on the potty,”

“But I don’t have to go,”

“Go sit on it anyway.

We’re off to the store.”

“Hey honey, I love you

Just wanted to say ‘hi'”

I left a quick voicemail.

Yup, the car’s gonna die.

   We made it to church

   and just in time too.

   It’s been a long week,

   So mascara’s waterproof.

   The pastor’s message

   helps me to reflect

   on the week that is past

   and the one that’s ahead.

   The back yard’s horrendous,

   but the front is okay.

   The kids are still breathing,

   My husband’s too far away.

  The kitchen-a disaster,

   I have laundry to fold.

   I woke up too early,

   But I had little boys to hold.

   I just have to breath

   and remember my life

   isn’t my own,

   but belongs to Christ.

   I hear that sweet song

   as I pull out my tithe.

   Good job, Cathi in the Hat,

   you didn’t cry this time!

Until next week, send your crazy to me, since I’m going there anyway!

4 thoughts on “10weeks

  1. You’re freaking WonderWoman (I bet Chandler will enjoy that image) !
    P.S. I’m obviously not ready for kids! Do they all poop that often?!?!?

    • He does have an unnatural obsession with Wonder Woman 😛 I don’t know if they all poop that often, but I know that my kids ONLY have to poop when I have somewhere to go. It always happens as soon as I get them in the car, as soon as we get somewhere, or in the middle of aisle 12.

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