My Thursday Rant in the midst of madness:
The stress level this week has been ridiculous! I’ve gone from tired, to aggravated, to upset, to angry, and now I feel just hopeless. I feel like I’m such a failure for being so stressed out. It’s only been 3 weeks, and I’ve got way too many more to go for me to be raising my white flag right now. I’ve done a deployment before, I’ve been separated from my husband for weeks at a time the whole time we’ve been stationed here! Why am I so incapable of being good at this? I’m not beating myself up about it all, I just didn’t expect to feel this way so soon. For starters, I thought we were really getting somewhere with Idan’s potty training. Last week, he didn’t have a single accident, but this week was a totally different story. He’s been pooping everywhere! Sure, it’s funny if you’re on the outside looking in, but for me it’s so frustrating. I have been sitting with him in the bathroom for about 10 minutes at a time, trying to coax him into going, but he says he doesn’t have to. Then, I go to leave the house with him and when I get to where I need to be, I find that he’s made a mess of himself. It’s not a quick change like it usually is for a baby. I have to turn around, take him home, and give him a bath. Then, get him dressed again and try to run my errands a second time. I only have 2 hours in the morning to do stuff outside of the house. That’s it. I don’t have time to do anything once Cole gets home from school, because we do homework, and pretty much from then until bed time is a war zone. It’s prime time for fighting between the two boys while I try to clean and cook dinner. The sound track to my day is literally whining, fighting, or “Mom! Idan pooped all inside of the toy box!” I miss my tag team. Usually, if one of us isn’t getting the point across with the kids, the other one steps in. Just having Chandler’s presence there to back me up keeps the boys in line. Someone tried to compare me to a single parent today. Please, please don’t ever let me catch someone calling me that again. I’m not a single parent. I’m a married parent with an extremely active husband and father who has been ripped from our home to serve our country. I’m also not the commanding authority in the house, nor do I desire to become it. I’m the wife and mom, not the dad. I don’t have to be the dad either, just because he’s not home. So, my kids shouldn’t have to fear me the way that they fear their father. I can’t find the balance because there is no balance anymore, and there won’t be until Chandler is home from the deployment. I’m not used to this, neither are my kids, and neither is my husband, and it’s stressing us out across the board. God, please give me a break and let it sustain me for another 3 weeks.
And now here’s Saturday…
God answered my prayers for a break. My husband called up his friend, and they orchestrated a whole night out for their wives. Therese and I had a lovely dinner at a Tapas restaurant in Atlanta last night, and Chandler took care of the babysitter and all! Major kudos to Nicole who spent the night since I got home after midnight (because apparently, it’s normal for so many people to go out to dinner at 10 o’clock at night in Atlanta–the place was PACKED…and delicious!), and hung out through the whole morning to help out with the kids so I could get ready for break number 2.
After my wonderful evening out for some much-needed girl time, Zach A. (a friend of ours and awesome head young life leader) came over to occupy the boys so I could just get out of the house for a couple of hours without the kids in tote. I walked around the mall without children, you guys, and it was spectacular! Now, I feel like I’m ready to take on the next 3 weeks. I guess I hit crazy stage 1 a bit earlier than I expected. Hopefully, I can recover quickly from this and be prepared for stage 2. I can do this.
Anyway, Cole told me that he had some bully issues at school, so I gave him some pointers to boost his confidence in order to help him stand up to the bullies. I also mentioned something to his teacher. He’s dealt with bullies before, but this problem was different. He was dealing with 2 girls in the bus line every day after school. *Rasputia started slapping Cole in the face, and of course since Cole is a gentleman, he didn’t hit her back. Then, Rasputia started telling her friend *Hillary, “Slap him. He’s so stupid. He doesn’t do anything!” So they both would slap him. He said that he’d tell them to stop, but they kept on doing it. And then last Friday, Hillary punched him in the head. Here’s a video of him explaining how he finally stood up to those mean girls!
*names have been changed
Now, onto my activity for the week!!! This week, I received a suggestion from Young Life alumnus, Morgan S! Her idea was to leave flowers on a random stranger’s car in a parking lot. So I did, and I set up a secret stakeout in order to get the random stranger’s reaction on video….also to entertain all of you 🙂 So, here it is…
Thank you, Morgan S, for your awesome idea! Anyone can give me requests or ideas at any time by clicking the “Suggestion Box” to the right on the blog, and leaving a comment. I welcome any and all suggestions!
This week, I also met with Cole every single day to have lunch with him at school. It’s been awesome! We’d sit and chat about how the day was going, and send pictures to Chandler’s email. During that time of day, he’s always able to respond quickly. So, Cole was able to get a few quips back and forth with his dad. It’s been nice to spend a little extra time with Cole outside of the house.